About Me & Loveantics.com 15

Javinne Headshot

Welcome to Loveantics.com- The Relationship Blog. I am Javinne J. McCoy (An acquaintance who reads the blog started to call me  “The Other” Love Doctor (without the Doctorate…lol). You can call me that too!) I have a special passion for the topic of relationships, specifically, understanding emotionally unavailable relationships. Special attention is given to relationships with Emotionally Unavailable Partners (the main theme of loveantics.com), and the dynamics surrounding these types of relationships. The anecdotes, insights and experiences I share are compiled from my personal relationship experiences (what I like to refer to as my own “Love Antics”) and those of others. Through years of professional therapy (doing my own “soul-work”), having discussions with friends, family, and acquaintances I have witnessed a pervasive theme: peoples consistent dealings with and attraction to Emotionally Unavailable Relationships/Partners.

I am a self- affirmed 30 year-old gay male who has taken up a long residence in Relationship Shadyville. Until my light bulb moment occurred, my “Relationship Aha Moment”, I couldn’t escape my own unhealthy relationship patterns; let alone address them.  Because of my affinity to the rainbow flag, some of the blog content will be geared toward the LGBT community. However, the relationship insights I provide are often applicable across the spectrum of LGBT relationships and “straight” (hetero) relationships. There are of course some relationship issues that directly affect the LGBT community and those may periodically be addressed.

Remember that the main theme of loveantics.com is Emotional Unavailability- partners and pairings which scream you can get “Close but NOT too close!” (intimacy issues at their prime). This relationship epidemic is not partial to sexual preference: It is about matters of the heart. Whether your gay or straight, I am sure you have experienced, and have had  your own “Love Antics” (i.e. unhealthy beliefs about relationships, unhealthy love habits/patterns). It is my hope that through sharing my own insights about emotional unavailability, life, love, and relationships; you will become empowered to create and experience more fulfilling healthy love relationships. Cheers to your Lover Within!

Have a topic or a question on emotionally unavailable relationships that you would like addressed on L.A? Please feel free to email your inquiries: loveantics.loverwithin@gmail.com

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15 thoughts on “About Me & Loveantics.com

  1. Reply Joseph Romanoff (JoJO) Aug 20,2013 3:24 pm

    Thank you. Keep me posted and stay in touch.

    • Reply The Lover Within Aug 20,2013 8:18 pm

      Thanks J.R. for stopping by. Please feel free to subscribe on the homepage of loveantics.com
      to receive additional posts. Stay Blessed.

      TLW

  2. Reply Bernardo Zabloudil Aug 28,2013 4:40 pm

    Some really quality content on this website , saved to fav.

  3. Pingback: Homepage

  4. Reply Robert Cecil Brooks III Nov 27,2013 1:34 pm

    You are truly an inspiration to many of us. Thank you for consistently using writing as a medium to speak and live your truth. I humbly accept and appreciate what you have to offer as a young male role model.

    • Reply The "Other" Love Doctor Nov 27,2013 6:25 pm

      Robert,
      Thank you for being a loyal reader of the Love Antics Blog. Have a wonderful holiday filled with love, peace, joy and minimal Love Antics. 🙂

  5. Reply Caroline Nov 27,2013 2:48 pm

    Great page, it helped me identify an EUP and realize it really isn’t my fault. I thought you were a girl after reading your articles (no offense) because I would have thought a man incapable of going into details like that – I could definitely use a gay friend like you in my life!!! 😀
    I think you’re an awesome writer! You should start to write more positive articles too, like “How do I recover from the frustration of meeting an EUP”… It can be kind of hard to get up again. I am usually pretty confident but after making a bad experience it it is hard to open up and smile again.

    • Reply The "Other" Love Doctor Nov 27,2013 5:13 pm

      Hi Caroline,

      LOL. I am all male. LOL.Thank you for stopping by Love Antics to get some insight into your situation. I am glad you have realized that it IS NOT your fault. For this is the first step in getting up again, and rebuilding your confidence, after dealing with an EUP. Stay tuned for a future post where I will make sure to cover “How do I recover from the frustration of meeting an EUP”. Yes , it can be a challenge to bounce back after such a big disappointment- After all, our hearts and feelings are very sacred. However, I think you have the first piece of the puzzle in your hand by realizing that it is NOT your fault. You cannot absorb all of the blame for someone being incapable of connecting with you on a heart to heart level.
      Glad you enjoy the Love Antics posts. Please subscribe via email on the home page, to receive new posts and updates. Within a week or so I will work on a post entitled “How do I recover from the frustration of meeting an EUP” as per your request. Hang in there. Remember, you DESERVE BETTER! Thank you for being a Love Antics Reader. 🙂

  6. Reply Carlos Renaldo Feb 10,2014 12:51 pm

    Hi there,

    The content here is amazing and really has helped me understand my 16 year marriage and it’s demise. I was married to a emotionally unavailable woman. I really don’t even know who she is after almost 20 years of knowing her. It’s a hard pill to swallow. My question is this…What does she mean when she continues to tell me thinks like “You are the great man…”, “You are so much better than me…”, “I know the kind of woman you need in your life…”, “I could even find someone like that for you…”, “I just want to see you happy in life..”.

    These statements are so hurtful and patronizing to me. What do I get out these messages?

    • Reply The "Other" Love Doctor Feb 11,2014 1:49 pm

      Hi Carlos,

      I am glad you found the content on the L.A. blog insightful and helpful to your situation. First let me say, WOW!
      I applaud your courage and level of openness about your relationship/marriage struggles. What you went through is tough but it seems like
      you are now seeing the REAL T (truth) about the person and the presence of emotional unavailability-which is RED LIGHT for any relationship and prevents it from existing and progressing in a healthy manner.

      Here is some brief insight into your questions about what she is REALLY communicating to you with these statements:
      Well in short, E.U.P’s have a lot of defense mechanism that they use to close off their hearts and keep intimacy with another at bay.
      (I would need more info about the context of these statements made by her and the overall dynamic of the relationship to be totally certain of my theories that I will share with you)

      This is what seems to be going on here: When she says “You are so much better than me….”- this statement is really about HER (not about you) using projection (a defense mechanism) as a means of projecting her insecurities on to you. She is letting you know indirectly that she does NOT feel worthy of anything good and putting you on a pedestal (instead of seeing you as a human being that just wants to love her, who also has flaws just like her). She doesn’t believe she deserves to beloved by you and therefore will undermine the relationship and do things to push you away, and to get you to eventually reject her. It hurts whenever someone you care for pushes you away and in essence discards your attempts to love them. So it is okay to feel hurt. However, I encourage you to consider canceling out any attempts to get her to say “something different” or change her mind about what she feels. Don’t be her therapist. She needs to work out her own issues by herself and get to the root of her own trauma and drama. You are no one’s therapist. Try not to be hers.

      I will address the possible interpretations of her other statements in the next L.A. post. It it will be posted up sometime tomorrow…
      Keep your head up….and please keep reading……stay tuned for the next post which will address what E.U.P’s people are really saying, when they make the statements you mentioned.

      • Reply Carlos Renaldo Feb 11,2014 7:18 pm

        Thanks so much for your response. I would love to share more in hopes of helping other men / women struggling with the EUP type personality. In 16 years of marriage, she cried to me one time. I should have seen that as a red flag but I am not the most astute when it comes to reading between the lines. I became a co-dependent in the marriage after 10 years and didn’t even know what co-dependence was. After a lot of soul searching and pain, I have realized the impact of her EUP personality. I already have the co-dependence traits from my childhood and combined with the EUP, I was out of mind it seems. She put me on a pedestal for years and years with statements like….”you the greatest man I have ever known…”, “You are the best thing in my life…”, “I am so thankful for all the things you have given me in life…”, and on and on. And so I believed her. She says she was trying to uplift me with these statements but all I needed was the simple truth. As my co-dependence took more shape, my frustrations and anxieties grew and grew. I even pretended to have anxiety so I could get some kind of reaction from her. A reaction of anger or I would have loved to see her show emotion like crying. But nothing ever came and I got even more desperate. And one day, the pedestal was taken away and I became the worst person on the planet. She said I had “anger, anxiety, co-dependency…” It is a bitter pill to swallow. I wasn’t perfect in the marriage but I tried to be a good provider and a giving person.

  7. Reply friend in Texas Jun 13,2014 2:38 pm

    THANK YOU!!!!!!

    I cannot tell you how valuable your articles on EUP has been to me. Literally life and sanity saving!!!!

    Thank you for enduring pain in your past to share this with others. Thank you for using your journey as a gift.

    BLESSINGS!

    • Reply The "Other" Love Doctor Jun 13,2014 8:42 pm

      I am so glad you connected with the material on The L.A. Blog. Thank you for taking the time to show gratitude.
      I am glad my journey and the insights I have gathered along the way can help empower others such as yourself.
      Always remember that you deserve better!!!! Keep doing the work on you and you will attract better relationships and E.U.P’s
      will no longer be able to imitate real and true love because you will know, recognize and see when it is real and when it is false.
      Best,

      JJM

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